PLAN
Our introduction
The Teenage years
Flying the nest and marriage
Helping hand and advice
The final years/letting go
Remember:
Not a comedy, but keep light hearted.
About JOE and you (not stones etc.)
Take reading-glasses/Flachmann(?)
20
Understandably Lou and I were on our very best behaviour when our mum took us on our first outing with: “Joe the butcher: license to kill!”. Joe moved in with us shortly afterwards, having decided to take on the responsibility of rearing two, sometimes (*cough*) difficult (*cough*), pre-teenagers.
21
Joe earned his keep with long-hours and strong-arms: the polar opposite of my life of Riley in school and higher education.
“You don’t know you’re born!” he’d often remind me.
“It’s not what you know, it’s who you know!”
But we quickly learned to accept our differences and get along: Joe told me what to do and I did everything I was told!
26
Joe bought us season tickets for the Potters and took me along with Kenny and Mike.
My mum would dutifully ask Joe how the game was “Rubbish! Absolute rubbish!” he’d reply.
The Stoke games also, and fortunately, extinguished any interest I had in football.
Regretfully I may have said something like “I’d rather watch paint dry, or the grass grow.”
37
“Andrew! Can you just …?”
Joe erected huge sheds, greenhouses and long, long fences which “just” needed creosoting; anything which didn’t move “just” had to be painted, varnished or wall-papered. Every Saturday acres of hay-fever inducing grass “just” had to be mown with a dodgy flymo and endless piles of bricks, timber, sand, stones and cement were delivered, often making our house rival the local builder’s yard, which “just” needed shifting here or there. And, on occasion, back to there and here the next day!
22
Joe’s biggest hobby, obsession even, was gardening. The greenest sausage fingers in the land and, of course, dressed down in his old clothes and cap and shoes which had been rescued several times from the dustbin it proved the ideal ploy to send unwanted sales reps, or the like, back on their way.
“Is the owner of the house in?” they’d ask
“No. I’m just the gardener.”
31
Joe loved to travel. We drove to Cornwall and Devon and he would sing along to his Country and Western cassette tapes with a voice which rivalled any of the artists on the tape!
Our first “holidays abroad” were made possible because of Joe and many were spent with Doreen, John and Johnathon.
And we celebrated New Year parties with them and Joe’s other siblings, Harold, Lilly and Bill who’d famously start the journey from “London” more often than finish it.
22
Aged 25 I finally flew the nest and landed far away in Germany. There I realised that Joe’s endless “chores and odd-jobs” had, in fact, been the best preparation for an independent life.
Lou, Rob, Tave and I had a joint wedding blessing, in this very church, in 1996 which brought all the (very large, extended) family together for a very memorable day and party.
My parents came to visit with suitcases loaded up with oatcakes, salad cream and tongue.
We visited many places together and celebrated birthdays, weddings and anniversaries with Tave’s family but, with roles now reversed, I’d always make sure to have a job or two lined up.
Revenge is sweet … but no. He’d say
“I wish I could come across more often to help you.”
and when Joe said that, you knew it wasn’t empty words.
Back in England he’d help my gran, Jean and Lou out with gardens and odd-jobs.
Joe’s positive “strike while the iron’s hot!” attitude is something Tave especially dearly remembers as encouraging words which gave her extra motivation and drive in her very successful career.
And Joe’s sage advice was always sound and based on the school of hard knocks and real life. He’d always be supportive towards things you were considering, if he thought it a good idea and, equally as important, tell you to steer clear of something if he could see problems or difficulties.
Once you were “on the right side” of Joe he’d do anything and everything for you, if he could.
He always saw the best in a situation and had a hands-on “it won’t get done by just looking at it” attitude – those were, in fact, the very words I said to Tave just before we built our garden shed together last summer.
“I wish I could be there to help you.” he said when we spoke on the phone
When we visited he loudly reminded me “You’ve got a good wife, Andrew!” as he’d relieve her of a bottle of Asbach brandy and a month’s supply of dark chocolate.
20
Joe started a completely new life with my mum, Lou and myself, in Dilhorne, back in 1978.
He took care of all three of us, provided for us and guided and helped us as we grew up and ###### ied and
In November last year Joe and Josie celebrated 40 years of marriage.
He was the ever doting husband, a model-father and the over-adoring grandfather.
37
Before Joe left us in December he’d had the chance to reflect on what he’d achieved.
He was surrounded by a loving family of which he could be, and definitely was, very proud.
My time with Joe may have started a little rocky but the bumps were quickly ironed out and it is because of my mum and Joe’s parenting that I am who I am.
The last time we saw each other we laughed as we reminisced.
We said what turned out to be our last goodbyes and he asked me:
“We did alright, didn’t we And?”
You did more than alright, Joe!
I’m thankful Joe decided to … he took better care of us than any father.
raiding his wardrobe
“Many fond memories”
“Didn’t matter what you were on the outside, if he liked who you were on the inside (non judgemental)”
“Do pay attention, Bond!”
“Mum’s garage a car welding and spray-shop.”
“Lou’s L driving”
“Watch paint drying or grass-growing”
“Today!”
unconditionally came to care for us
Wouldn’t cry over spilt milk (or spilt Asbach!)
18
On one occasion, a flat-bed artic backed its way down the lane loaded with concrete pipes almost wide enough for me to walk upright in! Fortunately my mum convinced Joe they were too large for his needs. I’d still be digging the trench now if they’d had been unloaded.
Song & Verse 